Coffee and Explosives
by SlutcliffInYourPants
Summary: Reid gets back at Rossi for being rude to him. DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds. Never have, never will.
1. Poof

Aaron Hotchner sat at his desk working on a file. There was a knock at the door before it opened. David Rossi stood in the doorway, drenched in what seemed to be… coffee? "Dave, what are you covered in?" asked Hotch, holding back his laughter. Rossi's face had anger written all over it. He stomped over to Hotch's desk and banged his fist on it. "Your so-called genius dumped his coffee ALL OVER ME!" he yelled. Hotch's laughter couldn't be hidden any longer. "What the hell are you laughing at! This is not funny! I'm covered in coffee and I don't have anything else to wear!" Rossi screamed. "Okay, I'm sorry, can you please explain to me what happened?" asked Hotch.

Flashback:

"Reid, can you get me some coffee, I need to use the rest room" said Rossi, walking over to the young agent. Reid turned around to look at him. "Yeah sure, do you want anything in it?" asked Reid. "No, I just want plain disgusting black coffee. Of course I want something in it!" he practically yelled. Reid looked at him funny. "So, what would you like in it?" asked Reid, getting ticked off by Rossi attitude. "Two spoonfuls of sugar and some cream" said Rossi, walking towards the men's room. "Snappy" said Reid, pouring the black coffee into the mug. He put in the two spoonfuls of sugar and some cream, stirred it up, and placed it on the counter. Then Reid thought for a moment. "Maybe I can get back at him for being so rude…" he thought to himself. He ran for his desk with the coffee and set it down so he could open a drawer. He pulled out a few things and put them together.

"Physics magic…" he thought as he placed the film case inside his pocket. He raced towards the break room again and put the mug down. When he heard the bathroom door open, he shook the case vigorously and threw it into the mug. Rossi came over and took the mug and sipped it. He smiled at Reid and walked away. Reid stood back, counting down from 5. 5…4…3…2…1… POOF. The coffee in Rossi's mug exploded in his face and all over the front of his shirt and pants. He turned around and looked at Reid. "What the HELL?" he screamed. He rushed over to the break room and put the mug into the sink and glared at Reid. "What the hell did you do to my coffee?" he asked, angrily. "Oh, nothing…" he said has he walked towards his desk with a huge smile on his face. Rossi turned bright red with anger and that's how he ended up in Hotch's office.

End of Flashback:

"So what you're saying is, you acted like an ass towards him, and, he got back at you?" asked Hotch. Rossi nodded and thought about it for a moment. "Maybe I should apologize before he does it again" said Rossi, standing up to go to Reid's desk. "Oh and Dave?" called Hotch. Rossi turned around to acknowledge Hotch. "Maybe you should make your own coffee from now on" said Hotch, smirking. Rossi rolled his eyes and went to Reid's desk. "Hey, I just wanted to appolog-" Reid cut him off by putting his arms up in defence. "Save it" said Reid turning back to his work. Rossi shrugged and went into his office. He left the door open as he walked in and sat down. He noticed a few film cases sitting around the room. He shrugged it off and went back to work.

Before his mind wrap around the fact that this was Reid's doing, all of the capsules shot up into the air. Most of them hit him in the head or the arm. Rossi glanced at his co-worker, who was smiling. "REID!" he yelled, running out of his office. "Yes?" asked Reid, pretending nothing happened. "What was that for?" asked Rossi. "I think you've learned your lesson…" said Reid as he stood up and walked to the men's room. Rossi stared at the door of the men's room for a moment. "He's gonna get it someday…" said Rossi, returning to his office.


	2. NEVER Mess With Reid and His Coffee

David Rossi returned to his office, making sure Reid couldn't put anymore of those dreaded capsules back in his office. Rossi sat back in his chair and thought about what he could do to get back at Reid. Reid exited the men's room and went back to his own desk. He started writing inside of a file and never bothered Rossi that day at all again.

The Next Day:

Reid walked into work a little later than usual today, so Rossi had gotten there a bit earlier than him. Rossi had something planned for Reid, and Reid would not be happy about this. Rossi watched evilly from his office as Reid went into the break room. Rossi counted down from 10. 10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… "EW, GROSS!" he heard Reid scream. Rossi had poked a hole in the coffee maker so that the water would go into a cup behind the maker instead of into the mug. Only some water would stay in, so the coffee would be sludge. Reid scrubbed the mug vigorously to get the disgusting coffee mud out of the mug. All of the sudden, a flicker of anger went through Reid's eyes. 'Rossi…' he thought. Reid dropped the mug into the sink and ran for Hotch's office. "Reid, what's the matter?" he asked. "ROSSI… HE… BROKE THE COFFEE MACHINE!" Reid yelled. "Whoa whoa whoa, Reid, calm down. He WHAT?" asked Hotch. "He broke the coffee machine. I know it was him because yesterday I heard him say that I was going to get it someday" said Reid, extremely angry. "Okay, go tell Strauss, we can get a new one within the hour" said Hotch. "I'm going to beat the crap out of Rossi!" yelled Reid as he ran out of Hotch's office. Reid arrived in Rossi's doorway, staring at Rossi. "Can I help you, Reid?" he asked. Reid stomped right over to Rossi and stuck a finger in his face. "You went WAY overboard. You know I LIVE on coffee. What the HELL, man?" asked Reid, about to punch Rossi. Rossi shrugged. "Hey Rossi, I have a gift for you" said Reid with an evil smirk on his face.

"What's the gift?" asked Rossi. Reid made a fist and punched Rossi directly in the face. Rossi covered his nose and cried out. "Mess with my coffee again…" said Reid as he walked out of the room, fuming. Morgan walked into Rossi's office and saw Rossi covering his nose. "Uh, what's up with your nose?" asked Morgan. "Reid punched me in the face because I broke the coffee maker on purpose" said Rossi. Morgan busted out laughing. "Man, you never mess with Reid's coffee. He's punched me before, he's not as weak as he looks" said Morgan, still laughing. "I noticed…" said Rossi.

Reid knocked on Strauss's door. "Come in" she replied to the knock. Reid barged in and sat down. If he was a cartoon character, there would be steam coming from his ears. "Can I help you, Agent Reid?" she asked. "Get a new coffee maker. Rossi broke it to tick me off. ITS WORKING!" he yelled. "Alright, I'll order one now. It should be in by the end of the day, okay?" she said. Reid nodded and went back to his desk. 'Rossi, is NOT my friend anymore' he thought to himself, continuing the file he started earlier.

Hahaha, this is way out of character for Reid, but it was fun to write AND… It's Reid's coffee, he'd do anything for his coffee and you know it.


End file.
